School's out for Summer!!

I am truly excited that both children are out of school for the summer.  Our days will now be less hectic and we can actually enjoy each other's company.  However, in order for us to do that, we need to have some rules, boundaries and most importantly, a schedule.

What's that you say?  A schedule in the summertime?!  But that's crazy talk!!  Oh, how I wish that were so.  At Blake's OT appointment yesterday, Ms Angie recommended that we keep up a schedule for the summer, and even gave us suggestions on how to create a visual schedule.  Its good for kids to be on a schedule, even for Zoey so that they know what is expected of them.

So, what am I doing today?!  Working on getting a visual schedule done of course :)  Oh!  I get to use my laminater, and printer, and paper cuter :)  I know you are all so jealous!!

I found some ideas on Pinterest and scoured the internet for free PECS printables.  Here was the end result.

The new summer schedule view with calendar :)

Summer Schedule Rules...always have to specify the rules in this house.  Then we have something to go back to for accountability :)

Envelopes at the bottom of each person's side to hold the pictures.

Velcro on each time and picture (this one was a written out picture).

I sat down and explained the new schedule to the kids along with the rules and what's expected of them.  We will start tomorrow.  Hoping this is just what we need for a smooth transition to summer!!

T-minus 2 days and a wake up

The official countdown until summer vacation has begun.  Two days and a wake up....only because Zo has to attend school for 2 hours and 45 minutes on Friday.  Blake's last day is technically today, but there is a "goodbye" Open House tomorrow for him.  There is so much to think about and reflect on as this school year draws to a close.  I think back to how we started off this year.  And how we have come so far since then.

Blake started off having a lot of trouble in school the first few months.  Even though he was back in the same classroom, he was not adjusting well and was throwing fits every single day.  Zoey was being home-schooled at the beginning of the year.  By September, we were already experiencing some difficulties and communication breakdown.  I couldn't figure out what exactly was happening, as I know my daughter is very capable of doing lots of things!

It was finally after our vacation to Disney World at the end of September, that I had time to sit down and evaluate our family dynamic, and I did not like what I saw.  I envisioned the future, and I saw a son who resented me for spending more time with his sister, and a daughter who resented me for keeping her away from all the "fun" of school (even though being home schooled was her decision).  We had a family meeting, discussed everything that had been going on, and discovered that Zoey was not happy being at home, and wanted to return to school.

The transition was an easy one for her, but hard on this mama.  As a Christian parent, I worry every day about what my daughter is learning that might have her questioning God and the Bible.  Children trust their teachers, and ultimately believe that what they are teaching is the end all be all.  I have prayed so many times since her return to school, that she would keep God at the forefront of her heart, and apply every thing she hears at school to what she knows to be true in God's word.  So far my prayers are being answered.

We were very blessed to end up with the teacher we had as well.  It is only Mrs. D's second year being back teaching (she took a break to raise her babies), and we found out shortly after Zoey joined her class, that she is a Christian.  That really helped to affirm the decision that we had made to let Zoey return to school.

Since returning to school in October, Zoey has excelled beyond my wildest dreams.  It took the kind words of a friend just a few short weeks ago, for me to really understand why the classroom setting is better for Zoey....she is a girl with a competitive spirit (just like her mama!), and being in that environment with her peers has caused her performance to improve greatly.  She is currently reading on a 4th and 5th grade level.  Her comprehension of what she is reading is astounding.  Her recollection of things is far beyond what I can recall.  We still work on things at home, memory verses and heart issues.  But I have to say that allowing Zoey to return to school was definitely the right decision for our family.  And now, as the countdown to summer break draws to its end, I can see that God is truly answering prayers on my children's behalf, and putting teachers and leaders in their paths that truly care about them, and are helping them to grow as individuals.

Summer break, here we come!!

If you don't have anything nice to say.......

I have had several of you remind me over the last few weeks that I haven't been blogging.  While I am so very thankful for my loyal readers, and the fact that you enjoy my blog, I have a confession to make.  I have not been blogging lately for one reason, and one reason only;  If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Lately, I just haven't had anything nice to say.

First, I have to complain about the weather.  I mean what is up with all these teasers??  Its almost May, and I am expecting consistent 60 degree, sunny days.  Instead, I am given cold, dreary days.  I can handle the drear when its warm outside, but by past struggles with depression seem to rear their ugly head about this same time every year.  Winter doesn't bother me....its Spring, or at least the first month and a half of Spring.

Secondly, I have been struggling with my self-image a lot lately!  Last summer, I dropped 30 lbs.  I was motivated and happy, and energetic.  Well over the course of the last 6 months, some of that weight has slowly creeped its way back in, even though I have still maintained a majority of the healthy lifestyle that I started last year.  So it puts a real damper on one's self image, when you try to be healthier and don't succeed.   Hoping that the soon to appear nicer weather (see previous paragraph) will change this funk around and will make it easier for me to give myself a little kick.

And lastly, and unfortunately the most influential thing of the "If you don't have anything nice to say" phrase is my children.  The weather change seems to be affecting their behavior as well.  I am finding myself dealing with more and more stubbornness and challenges of my authority, and frankly, ain't nobody got time for that. Zoey, the 7 year old, seems to have an argument for everything I say.  The talking back and questioning of authority is really getting to be too much.  I lose my temper with her on a daily basis.  Nothing makes you feel like a great mom more then the guilt you feel after losing your temper of your kids (insert sarcasm here).  Me thinks I need a permanent time out.

Blake.  That one word sentence says so much.  To know my son, is to truly respect him.  I am so grateful for the friends in our lives who take the time to understand Blake and peel back his layers to see the true gem he can be.  I need a reminder of that so often.  But I fear we are losing ground.  It feels as though we have taken 6 steps back.  The hitting has returned.  I really, really despise the hitting, and no matter how many times we stress that hitting is not how we show our anger, the message doesn't get through.  When he's mad, he tends to hit.  And it doesn't even need to be explosive anger either.  A kid could not play the game the right way and he hits.  I could tell him no, he can't do that right now, and he hits me.  His therapists and teacher tell me to ignore a lot of the bad behavior because he is doing it for the response.  But I cannot ignore the hitting; yet when ever I address it, it seems to make it worse.  This anger issue, was one of the very first concerns we had with Blake over two years ago.  Before the diagnosis, before therapies and school, the anger and hitting and throwing things were what caused us the most fear.  And now, here we are back at what I feel is not too far from square one.  Its been a very frustrating last few weeks, and I don't see much in the way of progress.

That is why I am not blogging.  Because to be honest, I just don't have anything nice to say.

Page 11

So, as usual, the last week has gotten away from me without a single blog post.  Sorry to all my dedicated readers out there!  I promise to get better :)

This morning, at 8 am we had Blake's IEP meeting....the third one in the last 14 months.  This meeting was tremendously important, as it would outline the entire school year for next year.  For those of you who are unaware, IEP stands for Individualized Education Program.  All states have some form of IEP for children in the school system who require a learning plan tailored to their specific needs.  This allows the parents to be advocates for their children and during the annual review, they are able to voice their concerns and discuss the goals they have for their child in the coming year.

Blake just turned 4 in February, so due to Illinois laws, he will attend Pre-K for another year.  The 2013-2014 school year will actually be his 3rd school year.  The most fantastic news out of all of this, is that Blake will be able to return to our "home-school" (our district school) for next year.  He has been attending a school in another district because they offer the specialized Early Childhood class that he has been in.  It is considered to be a Special Education Pre-K for children with special needs.  His teacher, was singing his praises this morning about how far he has come in the 14 months she has had him in her class.  And as his mom, I couldn't agree more.  He has made so much progress.

Blake's IEP report is 16 pages long.  At the meeting were his current teacher at High Mount, his new teacher at William Holliday, the Principal of WH, the social worker for WH and High Mount, the OT of WH and High Mount, and the Special Education teacher at WH, and Kevin, Blake and myself.  Its a little daunting, and the meeting lasts merely an hour.  That's not a lot of time to try and get a whole entire school year in place.  However, one of the best things about Pre-K is seeing the teacher everyday and being able to work with her on an as needed basis.  After sitting with his future teacher today, I feel extremely confident that she "gets" Blake and his needs and will be a wonderful teacher for him.

But the truly, most amazing thing about this whole morning, is one little blurb in the middle of page 11 of the report.  It states that for the 2013-2014 school year, Blake will be 100% REGULAR EDUCATION and 0% SPECIAL EDUCATION.  His current placement is the exact opposite.  He is 100% Special Education now.  I am welled up with tears and emotion right now as I type.  And I understand and realize that this is only for this year, and when he transitions to Kindergarten, it will be a whole different ballgame.  But for now, and for the next year, my boy will be like all the other 4 year old Pre-K students.

I can't help but feel like rejoicing as I turn around and see the enormous mountain behind me, and look around the beautiful valley that I am standing in.  I ignore the giant mountain range that lies beyond the horizon.  Right now, in the moment, I feel as though I can breathe.  And I know that its just a piece of paper with some writing on it.  But it stands for how far we have come in the last 2 years.  It stands for all the tantrums and meltdowns that we have made it through.  And it stands for the countless hours of therapies and the nights I have cried myself to sleep, thinking I can't help my boy.  100% Regular Education!!  And even if its only for the next 12 months, I'll take :)

Jenn :)

LIGHT IT UP BLUE!!

Today is April 1st, 2013.  It is a Monday and it marks the start of National Autism Awareness Month.  I have decided to take this month and use my blog to raise awareness.  I have many friends and readers who have expressed what little information they have about Autism and what it exactly is.  Today, I will answer the what it is, and over the net few weeks, I will go more in depth about statistics and the far reaching effects of Autism.

As many of you already know, we have only been aware of Blake's diagnosis for a little over a year.  But we are not strangers to the disorder as my oldest half-brother, Grant, also is on the autism spectrum.  It has been a huge blessing to have my father and step-mom acting as mentors, as they have been forging this road for over 10 years now.  And even though Grant and Blake to not have all of the same characteristics  they do share some, and advice and help over the last year has been wonderful.

Autism and ASD (autism spectrum disorder) are both terms used to describe a complex group of disorders of brain development.  These disorders are characterized, in varying degrees, by difficulties in social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication and repetitive behaviors. They include autistic disorder, Rett syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) and Asperger syndrome. With the May 2013 publication of the new DSM-5 diagnostic manual, these autism subtypes will be merged into one umbrella diagnosis of ASD.  ASD can be associated with intellectual disability, difficulties in motor coordination and attention and physical health issues such as sleep and gastrointestinal disturbances. Some persons with ASD excel in visual skills, music, math and art.  Autism appears to have its roots in very early brain development. However, the most obvious signs of autism and symptoms of autism tend to emerge between 2 and 3 years of age.  (Blake was diagnosed two weeks before his 3rd birthday.)

Autism statistics from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) identify around 1 in 88 American children as on the autism spectrum–a ten-fold increase in prevalence in 40 years. Careful research shows that this increase is only partly explained by improved diagnosis and awareness. Studies also show that autism is four to five times more common among boys than girls. An estimated 1 out of 54 boys and 1 in 252 girls are diagnosed with autism in the United States.

By way of comparison, more children are diagnosed with autism each year than with juvenile diabetes, AIDS or cancer, combined.  ASD affects over 2 million individuals in the U.S. and tens of millions worldwide.  Government autism statistics suggest that prevalence rates have increased 10 to 17 percent annually in recent years.

Until recent years, there was no answer as to what causes Autism.  Through research, they are starting to discover that just as there is no one type of Autism, there is no one cause for Autism.  The clearest evidence of these autism risk factors involves events before and during birth. They include advanced parental age at time of conception (both mom and dad), maternal illness during pregnancy and certain difficulties during birth, particularly those involving periods of oxygen deprivation to the baby’s brain. It is important to keep in mind that these factors, by themselves, do not cause autism. Rather, in combination with genetic risk factors, they appear to modestly increase risk.

Each individual with autism is unique. Many of those on the autism spectrum have exceptional abilities in visual skills, music and academic skills. About 40 percent have average to above average intellectual abilities. Indeed, many persons on the spectrum take deserved pride in their distinctive abilities and “atypical” ways of viewing the world. Others with autism have significant disability and are unable to live independently. About 25 percent of individuals with ASD are nonverbal but can learn to communicate using other means. Autism Speaks’ mission is to improve the lives of all those on the autism spectrum. For some, this means the development and delivery of more effective treatments that can address significant challenges in communication and physical health. For others, it means increasing acceptance, respect and support.

There is no test to determine if one has Autism, or ASD.  Physicians and/or psychologists may administer a specially designed autism behavioral evaluation.  After spending 1.5 hours in a room with us and Blake, a team of Psychologists, Speech Therapists and other therapists, diagnosed Blake as having mild to moderate Autism.  They didn't even need to leave the room to discuss it.  They already knew.

The Modified Checklist of Autism in Toddlers (M-CHAT) is a list of informative questions about your child. The answers can indicate whether he or she should be further evaluated by a specialist such as a developmental pediatrician, neurologist, psychiatrist or psychologist. (Take the M-CHAT here.)

Most of my information came from the Autism Speaks website.  Its a great tool for individuals who would like to know more about Autism and ASD or if you are a family member of someone with ASD.  Below you will find a chart showing the drastic increase in Autism diagnosis's over the years.  Autism Speaks raises money for research to study Autism and to one day find the answers.  However, there is a huge need for help for families with autistic children, especially as the lower functioning individuals reach adulthood.  My brother will be turning 16 this year, and my dad is finding there is a large lack of resources out there.

I thank you for taking the time to read up on Autism.  Tomorrow, April 2nd is National Autism Awareness Day and Autism Speaks asks the world to Light It Up Blue for the day.  So if you see a blue light tomorrow, you will know what it is for.

Bar chart of the number (per 1,000 U.S. resident children aged 6–17) of children aged 6–17 who were served under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) with a diagnosis of autism, from 1996 through 2007.

:)  Jenn

P.S.  For more information on how this relates to Blake, check out this post :)

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh :)

So, its been a VERY busy, and heart wrenching last few weeks.  We have been dealing with some extended family issues, and its definitely been taking its toll on my stress level!!  But through it all, I am trying to remain focused on me.  I cannot change others....I can only change myself, and the way I react in situations.  I am finding it is better to just LOVE in all things.  So thankful for a loving God who loves me, stains and all :)

Now on to my reason for today's post.  I was thinking today at how really amazing our God is.  I mean, I think that all the time, but I just had one of those WOW kind of moments.  He picked me to be the mother of Blake and Zoey long before he picked my mom to be my grandma's daughter and on and on.  He knew the difficulties I would face, and he knew that I would have a loving, generous man to face it with.  However, what really got me today is God's sense of humor!!  

Yes, you read that right.  I am, and always have been a spontaneous, fly by the seat of my pants, procrastinator.  And I certainly cannot be the only one out there!!  But the reason why this is so extremely funny, is because God placed two people whom I love with all my heart in my life who are the EXACT opposite....I call them strategically rigid.  (I am so coining that phrase!!)  They are my husband, and my son.

And this makes for a very....interesting....home life.  I am still trying to figure out how to be more structural for my son's sake.  I was never too worried about Kevin....he loved me stains and all just like God does.  I have shown him the Dark Side, and he likes it....sometimes.  But Blake, even though he loves Star Wars, not so fond of the Dark Side.  He likes the side with lots of rules and lights and everything in a straight line.  He'd make a really good Yoda.....

So every day, I try to bend him to my way, and every day we battle, because when I think I have prepared him enough, given him enough structure, he proves to me that its just not enough.  This little game we play is often time consuming and miserable.  But there are times, like now, when I can sit and see the humor in it all.


Touche God.....touche.

Why an elevator can cause a domino effect.....

I am laying in bed tonight and can't sleep. I have a knot in my stomach from an incidence earlier tonight with Blake, and as I lay here tonight thinking back on things, I see where we went wrong. Where as parents, we failed our child. And it's literally gut wrenching.

We asked a lot out of him tonight. And in return, we got a melt down. A bad one....one which left Kevin and I feeling like the worst parents of the year.

When I picked Blake up from school today, I immediately began discussing the evening's schedule with him, cause it was a doozy. First, I told him we would be going to pick Zoey up from school, then home to wait for daddy to get home. When daddy got home, we would head to McDonald's for an early dinner (there was a fundraiser for Zoeys school there tonight). After McDonald's, it was off to Zoey's dance class. An hour long event...an event where the last time we tried this for just a few minutes, Blake ran screaming through the halls and tried to run into the dance studios. Then after dance class, we would head to the hospital to visit Kevin's dad who had been admitted earlier. He seemed fine with it all, and I even asked him to repeat everything back to me. He nailed it! I knew he was comfortable because he could foresee the events and we could talk him through the night.

It all actually went very well, until the end of the night. Blake sat and played the iPad with Kevin during Zoeys dance class, while I sat in and observed. He was accepting of entering the hospital, and even did well with two elevator rides and winding corridors. He sat with his poppy and watched cartoons and then, he was done, and we left. We walked to the elevators. A door was opening. We walked on, while Blake stood screaming about the other door. The kind ladies laughed and held the door for us. Kevin finally dragged him onto the elevator and he laid in the floor until the door opened. He ran ahead of us down the hallway, obviously mad. When we got to the parking garage, and the next set of elevators, again the door opened, someone was holding it for us while Blake screamed about the other door. This lady, was not so understanding, and asked us his age, and then sneered that sneer I have seen one too many times, as if to say, get a grip on your child. Feeling defeated, we all left the elevator and Blake protested. We started to walk towards the car, and he came running out not concerned with the oncoming car. Kevin carried him to our van, and tried getting him in his seat. He screamed, kicked, threw things at us, and finally I forced him into his seat. My patience was gone, and I just wanted a cooperative kid who sat silently in his seat. Instead I had a screaming, thrashing boy who I lost my temper with. It wasn't pretty. And then Blake started crying for his Boo-boo...a small square blanket with a puppy head that rattles. It's his thing...his safety net....his thing that tells him everything is alright with the world even though his insides are churning. As I climbed in behind the wheel, my heart ached for him. I knew something was off, and it was more than him just not getting his way. But I didn't understand.

Later, as I looked back over the events, when I was calm, and my head was clear, I had a moment...like in those cartoons when the character has a light bulb over their head. It was so simple really, but I hadn't taken the moment to think about it. Blake likes familiarity. And when we were leaving, he couldn't tell us why, but he insisted we ride the over "door". The same "door" (elevator) we rode when we arrived, but it didn't hit me then. On the way out, it was two different doors...unfamiliar....scary. I had just assumed it was Blake being stubborn. It wasn't. It was Blake trying to comfort himself the way he knew how and I didn't understand.

I miss the boat so many times with him. Just when I think we are managing just fine, he throws another curveball my way. I just wish it was easier. That I could bring him comfort and safety some way.

Moments like that drain me in every way possible. I just pray that one day we can both understand each others worlds enough to make it through without emotions like these.

Jenn