A Glimpse at the Future

I know that I promised that my next post would be an update on Blake and his progress, but another week got away from me with no blogging.  And now, I have a story to share with you that just cannot wait.

Today was a very abnormal day for us, especially for a Sunday.  We don't keep our weekends too structured, but there are some norms for the most part.

Kevin had to work today...abnormality #1.  Mommy wasn't feeling well, so due to abnormality #1 we slept in and missed church this morning...abnormality #2.  Shortly after waking, Poppy came over to pick up Blake to take him to their house for a while....abnormality #3.  This evening, Zoey and I, had a party for the kids choir at church.  Due to abnormality #1, Blake was required to attend said party, and kids choir is somewhat of a trigger for him, with all the kids and singing and such....abnormality #4.  So to expect a good day today, was definitely grasping for straws.  And yet, in hindsight, it really wasn't too bad.

After church tonight, we were invited to meet Kevin's aunt and mom at Krispy Kreme.  This is one of Blake's favorite places, and since there was no school tomorrow, I figured a late night sugary snack would be ok this once.

While we were visiting over donuts, chocolate milk, and coffee, a family walked in.  This family looked much like ours....only older.  A mom and dad, an older sister and younger brother.  Within a few seconds, I realized this family was more like ours than I could have imagined.  The boy, roughly 10 or 11, was speaking rather loudly and often times yelling at his parents in what appeared to be random offenses without any provoking.  The boy approached our table several times, but was quickly called away by his parents.  I could see him growing increasingly agitated as he tried to strike up a conversation with us about how much he liked donuts.  So, I engaged him and he took that as a sign to stick his fingers in one of our donuts.  At that, he was quickly ushered away by a mortified looking mother.

This boy showed all the signs of being autistic, and thats only because I know the signs.  As the family walked away, Kevin's aunt whispered "That was scary."  And his mother said, "I wonder whats  wrong with him?"  But it was Zoey, the 8 year old, who had the most understanding and compassion.  "He reminds me of Grant," she said.  Grant is my 16 year old brother who is also autistic.  As I sat there, I couldn't help but feel for this family.  I had decided that when they walked back by, I was going to reassure the mother that I understood, and that it was no bother, but they walked out a different door and around.  I saw them.  It was out of their way.   She did it to avoid us.  And then my heart broke.  I wanted to scream, "Thats been me before!"

I looked at Blake, and caught a glimpse of our future.  Avoiding situations to not trigger him.  Being screamed at in public for no reason at all.  Having a very hard time getting control over my child, who has no control over himself, and then getting those burning eyes on me.  All that family was trying to do was get donuts.  The mother ended up taking the son to the car while the father and daughter stood watching the donuts being made.  How many times has that been my family?  How many times have Kevin or I missed out on experiencing something with Zoey because Blake needed to be removed from his trigger?

I am not angry with Kevin's mom or aunt for their reaction.  They are of that generation who was raised to be seen and not heard.  To mind your p's and q's.  Their first instinct is not to consider the very many reasons why a child would behave like that.  Their first instinct is to assume that the parent MUST be doing something wrong.

I should have made it a point to say something to that mother...I should have reached out and showed her we were on common ground and that I did not judge her for the actions of the son.  And as I sit here, I wonder if anyone has thought that about me?

Mothers, fathers.  Sisters, brothers.  Aunts, uncles....whoever you all are out there who are reading this blog, we have GOT to start being more compassionate towards one another.  We have got to start standing up and saying, "Hey there you.  You are not alone.  I understand you, and I do not judge."   No matter what the situation may be!!  We need to start being the Hands and Feet of Jesus for each other.  Do not make my mistake and let the moment pass, because had the situation been reversed, and she had approached me to say those words of compassion, I would have been eternally grateful.

Jenn :)