A Glimpse at the Future

I know that I promised that my next post would be an update on Blake and his progress, but another week got away from me with no blogging.  And now, I have a story to share with you that just cannot wait.

Today was a very abnormal day for us, especially for a Sunday.  We don't keep our weekends too structured, but there are some norms for the most part.

Kevin had to work today...abnormality #1.  Mommy wasn't feeling well, so due to abnormality #1 we slept in and missed church this morning...abnormality #2.  Shortly after waking, Poppy came over to pick up Blake to take him to their house for a while....abnormality #3.  This evening, Zoey and I, had a party for the kids choir at church.  Due to abnormality #1, Blake was required to attend said party, and kids choir is somewhat of a trigger for him, with all the kids and singing and such....abnormality #4.  So to expect a good day today, was definitely grasping for straws.  And yet, in hindsight, it really wasn't too bad.

After church tonight, we were invited to meet Kevin's aunt and mom at Krispy Kreme.  This is one of Blake's favorite places, and since there was no school tomorrow, I figured a late night sugary snack would be ok this once.

While we were visiting over donuts, chocolate milk, and coffee, a family walked in.  This family looked much like ours....only older.  A mom and dad, an older sister and younger brother.  Within a few seconds, I realized this family was more like ours than I could have imagined.  The boy, roughly 10 or 11, was speaking rather loudly and often times yelling at his parents in what appeared to be random offenses without any provoking.  The boy approached our table several times, but was quickly called away by his parents.  I could see him growing increasingly agitated as he tried to strike up a conversation with us about how much he liked donuts.  So, I engaged him and he took that as a sign to stick his fingers in one of our donuts.  At that, he was quickly ushered away by a mortified looking mother.

This boy showed all the signs of being autistic, and thats only because I know the signs.  As the family walked away, Kevin's aunt whispered "That was scary."  And his mother said, "I wonder whats  wrong with him?"  But it was Zoey, the 8 year old, who had the most understanding and compassion.  "He reminds me of Grant," she said.  Grant is my 16 year old brother who is also autistic.  As I sat there, I couldn't help but feel for this family.  I had decided that when they walked back by, I was going to reassure the mother that I understood, and that it was no bother, but they walked out a different door and around.  I saw them.  It was out of their way.   She did it to avoid us.  And then my heart broke.  I wanted to scream, "Thats been me before!"

I looked at Blake, and caught a glimpse of our future.  Avoiding situations to not trigger him.  Being screamed at in public for no reason at all.  Having a very hard time getting control over my child, who has no control over himself, and then getting those burning eyes on me.  All that family was trying to do was get donuts.  The mother ended up taking the son to the car while the father and daughter stood watching the donuts being made.  How many times has that been my family?  How many times have Kevin or I missed out on experiencing something with Zoey because Blake needed to be removed from his trigger?

I am not angry with Kevin's mom or aunt for their reaction.  They are of that generation who was raised to be seen and not heard.  To mind your p's and q's.  Their first instinct is not to consider the very many reasons why a child would behave like that.  Their first instinct is to assume that the parent MUST be doing something wrong.

I should have made it a point to say something to that mother...I should have reached out and showed her we were on common ground and that I did not judge her for the actions of the son.  And as I sit here, I wonder if anyone has thought that about me?

Mothers, fathers.  Sisters, brothers.  Aunts, uncles....whoever you all are out there who are reading this blog, we have GOT to start being more compassionate towards one another.  We have got to start standing up and saying, "Hey there you.  You are not alone.  I understand you, and I do not judge."   No matter what the situation may be!!  We need to start being the Hands and Feet of Jesus for each other.  Do not make my mistake and let the moment pass, because had the situation been reversed, and she had approached me to say those words of compassion, I would have been eternally grateful.

Jenn :)

1,000 Pageviews!!

Well Happy Monday to all of of you!!  I logged on to begin composing a new entry, and saw that I have surpassed 1,000 page-views!!  I don't know who all of you are that are reading my blog, and taking a glimpse into our little world, but I truly appreciate it, and hope that some of you are being touched, reached, or taught.

As I mentioned in my last post, if anything can come out of all of this, it would be to reach those who truly need to be reached.  I encourage you to share this blog with your friends, on Facebook, via email, or whatever!  You never know who may need to see that they are not alone in their struggles.

I also realize that in my last post I didn't give much of an update on our family, or Blake, or whats been happening this school year so far.  So my next entry, which I will post later tonight or tomorrow morning, will be an update.

I am so happy that you are taking the time to read my blog.  Writing has always been a passion for me, and an outlet.  And even though I know many of you may not agree with some of the things I write, I thank you for your support!

I hope you have a blessed day!

Jenn :)

Is Autism proof of creationism?

I made one small New Year's Resolution that I have already broken....point #1 as to why I do not make them in the first place.  I resolved to blog more.  And here it is ten days into 2014, and this is my first post.

Don't be off-put by the title.  This is merely a walk through my mind and a recent conversation that I had with a friend on the topic of Evolution vs. Creationism.  This friend is on the fence about some things, but is not a Pro-God Creationist.

So this whole thing got me thinking.  There are so many flaws and missing links in the Theory of Evolution. And no, this isn't just my Creationist viewpoint talking.  Its truth, and there are a lot of scientists out there who would agree.  Case in point....Evolution is a Theory...not fact, not truth.  Even when Charles Darwin came up with his theory, he admitted that there had been no transitional fossils found, but that he was sure that they existed and wondered why we do not find them in countless numbers in the earth's crust.

It should be no surprise to my readers that I am a Christian.  I believe in the Bible, God's word, and everything in it, from beginning to end.  So, In the Beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.  That's it, right there.  God created the Earth.  Not a big bang, not superior intelligence from somewhere else in the galaxy, but GOD.  And wait, I have proof  :)

So many people like to ask the question Why?  Why do people get sick and die, why does God have senseless tragedies happen?  Why does my child have autism?  Why?  Why?  Why?  We can all trace this back to our Great-Grandparents to the 10th power (or something like that....Math isn't my strong suit).  Adam and Eve were asked not to do something.  Satan convinced them to do as they pleased, and enter sin into the world.  This is all explained in the 3rd Chapter of the Bible....Three very short Chapters in folks, and there it is.  The problem with the world today....SIN.

Because of sin, God no longer holds up his end of the Perfect World bargain.  We have been given a taste of what life is like without God.  Believe it or not, because of sin there are mutations in the population, harmful drugs or substances misused by parents that cause problems with future generations, harmful chemicals in the environment, leaders who inflict painful circumstances....and so on and so on.  All of these things affect a person's way of life.  These things didn't evolve.  It was a choice that our creator gave us...to sin or not to sin.

No one wants to talk about these things.  No one wants to admit that it is due to our selfish, sinful nature that the world is in the state it is.  No one wants to believe that our loving Heavenly Father could be the reason behind this pain and suffering.  But there is Hope.  A wonderful Hope filled with peace and forgiveness.

This Heavenly Father, God, sent his only son, Jesus Christ, to this Earth so that upon his death, he would carry the sin of the world on his back.  Its really quite simple.  Believe that Jesus Christ is your savior, that he died so that you no longer have to suffer, ask to be forgiven and live your life following the Lord and spreading the good news.  The reward will be a glorious place in Heaven when your time on this filthy Earth is through.

You will encounter pain, you will encounter suffering.  But knowing that something better awaits us all brings a peace and understanding beyond any that you will find on your own.

So, why is my son Autistic?  To be honest, I don't really care why.  The only thing I care about, is how can we use his Autism to glorify God!!

Jenn :)

P.S.  I invite anyone to comment on this post today if you have something to add, a question, or would even like a friendly debate :)  But I will not allow harassment or bullying.

What I wouldn't do for you.....

This last week has been one that I have feared for quite some time.  My dad warned me long ago, when we were just in the beginning stages of our little journey with Autism, that the insurance company would be a battle.  I don't really like people telling me no, and when it comes to my children, well, you just better watch out!

So upon finding out that our allotted therapy sessions were about to expire, my heart sank.  Its not even halfway through the year yet, and now we will be picking up Physical Therapy weekly on top of the Occupational Therapy.

So this morning, I put on my mommy armor, and called the insurance company (again).  I was prepared with friends support, prayer, and most important, a tenacious attitude.  However, the response I received was so unexpected, that it made me shed my armor almost immediately.  Here, on the other end of the phone, was a kind woman, who had all the answers and simply wanted to help.  One mention of the "a" word, and it was as if I had said the magic word.  She spit out a billing code and explained as long as that was used, no claims would be denied.  I think my jaw actually hit the floor.  I couldn't even figure out how to end the conversation, and I am sure that my numerous "thank you's" and "that's the best news" summed it up.

I now have new armor to wear, and it's a simple 3 digit code.  It doesn't mean that life will be peachy keen anymore, but just like with Blake and his "bag of tricks", I now have a new attribute to add to my armor.  And even though the answer was always there, I feel accomplished, successful and most importantly, like an advocate :)

There really is NOTHING I wouldn't do for my kids, even if it meant getting really angry with the insurance lady (which thankfully I didn't have to do).  Mamas, it is our job to help our children to be successful in this world.  We cannot, and will not be able to protect them from everything.  All we can do is show them the right way, pray for them every day, and hope that some of it sticks.  I want my children to know that this mama's love is never-ending!!

School's out for Summer!!

I am truly excited that both children are out of school for the summer.  Our days will now be less hectic and we can actually enjoy each other's company.  However, in order for us to do that, we need to have some rules, boundaries and most importantly, a schedule.

What's that you say?  A schedule in the summertime?!  But that's crazy talk!!  Oh, how I wish that were so.  At Blake's OT appointment yesterday, Ms Angie recommended that we keep up a schedule for the summer, and even gave us suggestions on how to create a visual schedule.  Its good for kids to be on a schedule, even for Zoey so that they know what is expected of them.

So, what am I doing today?!  Working on getting a visual schedule done of course :)  Oh!  I get to use my laminater, and printer, and paper cuter :)  I know you are all so jealous!!

I found some ideas on Pinterest and scoured the internet for free PECS printables.  Here was the end result.

The new summer schedule view with calendar :)

Summer Schedule Rules...always have to specify the rules in this house.  Then we have something to go back to for accountability :)

Envelopes at the bottom of each person's side to hold the pictures.

Velcro on each time and picture (this one was a written out picture).

I sat down and explained the new schedule to the kids along with the rules and what's expected of them.  We will start tomorrow.  Hoping this is just what we need for a smooth transition to summer!!

T-minus 2 days and a wake up

The official countdown until summer vacation has begun.  Two days and a wake up....only because Zo has to attend school for 2 hours and 45 minutes on Friday.  Blake's last day is technically today, but there is a "goodbye" Open House tomorrow for him.  There is so much to think about and reflect on as this school year draws to a close.  I think back to how we started off this year.  And how we have come so far since then.

Blake started off having a lot of trouble in school the first few months.  Even though he was back in the same classroom, he was not adjusting well and was throwing fits every single day.  Zoey was being home-schooled at the beginning of the year.  By September, we were already experiencing some difficulties and communication breakdown.  I couldn't figure out what exactly was happening, as I know my daughter is very capable of doing lots of things!

It was finally after our vacation to Disney World at the end of September, that I had time to sit down and evaluate our family dynamic, and I did not like what I saw.  I envisioned the future, and I saw a son who resented me for spending more time with his sister, and a daughter who resented me for keeping her away from all the "fun" of school (even though being home schooled was her decision).  We had a family meeting, discussed everything that had been going on, and discovered that Zoey was not happy being at home, and wanted to return to school.

The transition was an easy one for her, but hard on this mama.  As a Christian parent, I worry every day about what my daughter is learning that might have her questioning God and the Bible.  Children trust their teachers, and ultimately believe that what they are teaching is the end all be all.  I have prayed so many times since her return to school, that she would keep God at the forefront of her heart, and apply every thing she hears at school to what she knows to be true in God's word.  So far my prayers are being answered.

We were very blessed to end up with the teacher we had as well.  It is only Mrs. D's second year being back teaching (she took a break to raise her babies), and we found out shortly after Zoey joined her class, that she is a Christian.  That really helped to affirm the decision that we had made to let Zoey return to school.

Since returning to school in October, Zoey has excelled beyond my wildest dreams.  It took the kind words of a friend just a few short weeks ago, for me to really understand why the classroom setting is better for Zoey....she is a girl with a competitive spirit (just like her mama!), and being in that environment with her peers has caused her performance to improve greatly.  She is currently reading on a 4th and 5th grade level.  Her comprehension of what she is reading is astounding.  Her recollection of things is far beyond what I can recall.  We still work on things at home, memory verses and heart issues.  But I have to say that allowing Zoey to return to school was definitely the right decision for our family.  And now, as the countdown to summer break draws to its end, I can see that God is truly answering prayers on my children's behalf, and putting teachers and leaders in their paths that truly care about them, and are helping them to grow as individuals.

Summer break, here we come!!

If you don't have anything nice to say.......

I have had several of you remind me over the last few weeks that I haven't been blogging.  While I am so very thankful for my loyal readers, and the fact that you enjoy my blog, I have a confession to make.  I have not been blogging lately for one reason, and one reason only;  If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Lately, I just haven't had anything nice to say.

First, I have to complain about the weather.  I mean what is up with all these teasers??  Its almost May, and I am expecting consistent 60 degree, sunny days.  Instead, I am given cold, dreary days.  I can handle the drear when its warm outside, but by past struggles with depression seem to rear their ugly head about this same time every year.  Winter doesn't bother me....its Spring, or at least the first month and a half of Spring.

Secondly, I have been struggling with my self-image a lot lately!  Last summer, I dropped 30 lbs.  I was motivated and happy, and energetic.  Well over the course of the last 6 months, some of that weight has slowly creeped its way back in, even though I have still maintained a majority of the healthy lifestyle that I started last year.  So it puts a real damper on one's self image, when you try to be healthier and don't succeed.   Hoping that the soon to appear nicer weather (see previous paragraph) will change this funk around and will make it easier for me to give myself a little kick.

And lastly, and unfortunately the most influential thing of the "If you don't have anything nice to say" phrase is my children.  The weather change seems to be affecting their behavior as well.  I am finding myself dealing with more and more stubbornness and challenges of my authority, and frankly, ain't nobody got time for that. Zoey, the 7 year old, seems to have an argument for everything I say.  The talking back and questioning of authority is really getting to be too much.  I lose my temper with her on a daily basis.  Nothing makes you feel like a great mom more then the guilt you feel after losing your temper of your kids (insert sarcasm here).  Me thinks I need a permanent time out.

Blake.  That one word sentence says so much.  To know my son, is to truly respect him.  I am so grateful for the friends in our lives who take the time to understand Blake and peel back his layers to see the true gem he can be.  I need a reminder of that so often.  But I fear we are losing ground.  It feels as though we have taken 6 steps back.  The hitting has returned.  I really, really despise the hitting, and no matter how many times we stress that hitting is not how we show our anger, the message doesn't get through.  When he's mad, he tends to hit.  And it doesn't even need to be explosive anger either.  A kid could not play the game the right way and he hits.  I could tell him no, he can't do that right now, and he hits me.  His therapists and teacher tell me to ignore a lot of the bad behavior because he is doing it for the response.  But I cannot ignore the hitting; yet when ever I address it, it seems to make it worse.  This anger issue, was one of the very first concerns we had with Blake over two years ago.  Before the diagnosis, before therapies and school, the anger and hitting and throwing things were what caused us the most fear.  And now, here we are back at what I feel is not too far from square one.  Its been a very frustrating last few weeks, and I don't see much in the way of progress.

That is why I am not blogging.  Because to be honest, I just don't have anything nice to say.