For those of you who know me really well, you know that one of my favorite phrases is "Seriously?!" I tend to use it as more of an exclamation, even though I tend to say it like a question. Which is why when I write I use both punctuation's :)
In the last 24 hours, I have had a few of these "Seriously?!" moments. Every last Wednesday of the month, Bear (Zoey) has a half day at school. She always gets to ride the bus to and from school (she loves riding the bus), and arrives home about 20 minutes before we have to leave to take Little Man (Blake), to school. They attend two different schools because Blake is an Early Childhood Pre-School class, and that is not something that they offer at our district school. Its a smaller class size, and he does really well in it. He only goes for 2 hours and 15 minutes a day, but it is every day. Its a wonderful experience for him.
But back to the last Wednesday of the month. I love it, because I get two uninterrupted hours with my sweet girl. Its our thing now to go to Chick-Fil-A for lunch and then run an errand. Yesterday it was grocery shopping at Aldi. I had taken my Household Binder with me to lunch so I could use my meal plan to make my grocery list (That thing is sooooo handy!!! I totally recommend one for every mom!) When I opened it up, I noticed in one of the pockets I had some printouts from the iMom website (a wonderful tool for moms) entitled Kid Conversation Starters. I figured I would ask Zoey a few of this, to keep the conversation up while I was working on the list. I started off with a few easier ones, and then I asked her to "describe the person you would like to marry". I thought that would be a good, thought provoking one for her. She giggled a little and acted kind of shy, but then said, hmm....let's see.
Here was her list: (and yes, I wrote it down on the back of one of my binder sheets)
1. Believe in God (yes, that was her first answer, I almost started crying right there!!)
2. Nice attitude, and treats me nice (good one Zo)
3. Someone who is lovable (Huh?! She better mean like a Teddy Bear!!)
4. Someone who cooks (Wow, didn't see that one coming)
5. Someone who changes diapers (Cause, she doesn't plan to)
6. Someone like daddy (Awwww!!)
7. Someone who prays
I have to admit, I expected a juvenile list, like someone who likes the playground and playing video games. But I should have known better. Bear is such an amazing 7 year old. And its nice to have that affirmation....you know, the "Hey, maybe I am not screwing up this kids life" kind :)
So that was the first Seriously?! moment. The second was this afternoon when I picked up Blake from school. Thursday's are Library days for him, and they even let them bring home books. Usually its something about cars, trains, or a Berenstain Bears book. Today, I asked him about library, and if he got a book. He laughed, and told me he had a surprise for me. He said he got a spider book from the library. He said Aiden (a boy in his class) had it last week so he got it this week. I of course, assume he means Spider-man So we get home, and as soon as we get in the house, he tells me again about his surprise book. I tell him get unpacked and hang your coat up and then you can show me. He does, and then comes running into the kitchen with his book, and proceeds to shove a HUGE, HAIRY, tarantula into my face!! Yes folks, my 4 year old son brought home a book filled with pictures of the things I fear most in the world. My heart started racing, I screamed (okay, just a little scream), and Blake laughed!! He thought it was hilarious Which made me stop and think....he knows of my fear, and how I do not like spiders....so was this a joke he was trying to play on me? Was this some premeditated thing where he actually thought, "hey, this would really scare the poop out of mommy"? Cause if he did, then I have to smile. Because it means that he was actually thinking about HOW I would feel about something, even if it was fear. I still don't know the answer, but it really blows my mind!!
So I did what all moms would do (even those deathly afraid of spiders). I stood far enough away and watched as he flipped the pages and talked about the taco spider (yes, it did sort of resemble a taco), and the pumpkin butt spider (yes, it had an orange butt) and the pumpkin face spider (guess that one got to close to pumpkin butt).
Wait, I hope this isn't becoming some thing he is getting into....remind me guys, if Blake asks for a pet spider one day, that it doesn't matter how much I love that kid....a spider would make it so that I can't even go in my own house!! And yes my friends, THAT was my second "SERIOUSLY!!!!????" moment of the last 24 hours. As I sit here typing, I know that book is in my kitchen.....and it's totally FREAKING me out!! I will let you know if i make it through the night.
Jenn :)
2/28/13
2/27/13
So, what is my part?
In this house, I have many, many hats. Nurse, masseuse chef, maid, chauffeur, banker, etc. At any given time, I could be wearing two or more at once! Whomever says moms have no talent, is sadly mistaken :) We have many!!
I often feel like I am in a secret play, and Blake holds the script. He likes to play games where he asks a question, and then solicits a certain response from you. You give him the correct, or appropriate response, however that is often times not the response he is looking for, and instead feeds you a line that he wants you to say. He is forming his own cinema at the ripe age of 4. Hmmmm.....wondering where his peak will be?!
However, he can get extremely frustrated with you if you do not know what response he is looking for. Sometimes he could be asking about whether its raining or not, and when you tell him no, he promptly tells you that the obvious answer should have been yes, even though its a bright sunshiny day! Actress in one of Blake's theatrics is by far the hardest hat I have to wear in a day.
There are days when I struggle to wear all my hats, to play all my parts. And some days, I am playing parts that I do not have a script for, like in Blake's plays. I barely make it through some days with any skin left on my teeth (I have no idea where that saying came from.....I mean, who really has skin on their teeth?!). But at the end of each day, I am often forced to see where my blessings really are in life. I have two amazing kids, who challenge me, and stretch me way beyond my comfort zone. But who really wants to be comfortable anyway! And don't even get me started on my husband....my amazing example of a man. A man who truly loves me like Jesus loves, flaws and all. A man who is gentle and forgiving. One who compliments me in all the best ways. We don't always have all the right answers, but we are forging ahead, trying to get it right. Trying to figure out what works for our unique little family.
Last night, as I was massaging Blake with some lavender lotion (it really helps calm him down for sleep), Zoey asked if she could be massaged too. I sometimes forget that my independent little thinker needs just as much attention, if not more, than Blake requires. Its a hard balance. One I still haven't quite figured out.....when am I smothering, when am I too elusive. All I know, is that playing my part as mom, is by far the best part I have ever played. And even though life around here can be cray cray, and overwhelming, it is my life. My so very blessed life :)
Jenn
A verse that I have been focusing on lately
2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
James 1:2-4
I often feel like I am in a secret play, and Blake holds the script. He likes to play games where he asks a question, and then solicits a certain response from you. You give him the correct, or appropriate response, however that is often times not the response he is looking for, and instead feeds you a line that he wants you to say. He is forming his own cinema at the ripe age of 4. Hmmmm.....wondering where his peak will be?!
However, he can get extremely frustrated with you if you do not know what response he is looking for. Sometimes he could be asking about whether its raining or not, and when you tell him no, he promptly tells you that the obvious answer should have been yes, even though its a bright sunshiny day! Actress in one of Blake's theatrics is by far the hardest hat I have to wear in a day.
There are days when I struggle to wear all my hats, to play all my parts. And some days, I am playing parts that I do not have a script for, like in Blake's plays. I barely make it through some days with any skin left on my teeth (I have no idea where that saying came from.....I mean, who really has skin on their teeth?!). But at the end of each day, I am often forced to see where my blessings really are in life. I have two amazing kids, who challenge me, and stretch me way beyond my comfort zone. But who really wants to be comfortable anyway! And don't even get me started on my husband....my amazing example of a man. A man who truly loves me like Jesus loves, flaws and all. A man who is gentle and forgiving. One who compliments me in all the best ways. We don't always have all the right answers, but we are forging ahead, trying to get it right. Trying to figure out what works for our unique little family.
Last night, as I was massaging Blake with some lavender lotion (it really helps calm him down for sleep), Zoey asked if she could be massaged too. I sometimes forget that my independent little thinker needs just as much attention, if not more, than Blake requires. Its a hard balance. One I still haven't quite figured out.....when am I smothering, when am I too elusive. All I know, is that playing my part as mom, is by far the best part I have ever played. And even though life around here can be cray cray, and overwhelming, it is my life. My so very blessed life :)
Jenn
A verse that I have been focusing on lately
2 Dear brothers and sisters,[a] when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.
James 1:2-4
2/25/13
Sunday, Funday!! Monday, Run-day!!
Yay! It's Monday (<--- dripping with sarcasm).
Anybody else out there feel this way?
I love Sundays in our house. They are almost always filled with church, fun, naps, TV watching, family movie time, and then more church :) Sunday nights seem to be more difficult....trying to get the kids back into routine after the weekend, and we usually end up with grief and complaining from both kids!
Then, come Monday morning, it's as if I have poured ice water over their sleeping bodies! They arise with contempt for me. Oh how I wish Monday mornings could go smoothly.
Shortly after Zoey has been shuffled out the door to catch the bus, Blake and I rush around (definitely his least favorite activity; he hates being rushed) to get out the door and head to Occupational Therapy. Most days, it's 3:30 pm, and I have absolutely nothing to show for my Monday. Mondays are an extreme waste to me. I would much rather sleep through them all and awake on Tuesday :)
We had a pretty typical weekend. Kevin and I attended our church's banquet honoring the volunteers who serve throughout the year, and I won a prize for a date night; movie and dinner!! Then on Sunday night, Zoey found out she was chosen as one of the speaking parts for the musical the kids choir will be putting on this spring. She was overjoyed! The look on her face was priceless. And it was Blake's first (and possibly last for awhile) attempt at kids choir. Personally, I just don't think he's ready for all the sitting, and focusing and paying attention :). And if you were a witness to the whole mess, then you know exactly what I mean!!
So now, it's gone well into Monday evening even though I had every intention to get this posted while at Blake's therapy this morning. I always start off with the best intentions :). There is a peaceful rain outside and I am enjoying it. It's relaxing me and helping to erase and wash away the stress from yet another Monday. Tomorrow is another day.....and I will arise tomorrow with hopes of a better day. We can only go up from here!!
Jenn
Anybody else out there feel this way?
I love Sundays in our house. They are almost always filled with church, fun, naps, TV watching, family movie time, and then more church :) Sunday nights seem to be more difficult....trying to get the kids back into routine after the weekend, and we usually end up with grief and complaining from both kids!
Then, come Monday morning, it's as if I have poured ice water over their sleeping bodies! They arise with contempt for me. Oh how I wish Monday mornings could go smoothly.
Shortly after Zoey has been shuffled out the door to catch the bus, Blake and I rush around (definitely his least favorite activity; he hates being rushed) to get out the door and head to Occupational Therapy. Most days, it's 3:30 pm, and I have absolutely nothing to show for my Monday. Mondays are an extreme waste to me. I would much rather sleep through them all and awake on Tuesday :)
We had a pretty typical weekend. Kevin and I attended our church's banquet honoring the volunteers who serve throughout the year, and I won a prize for a date night; movie and dinner!! Then on Sunday night, Zoey found out she was chosen as one of the speaking parts for the musical the kids choir will be putting on this spring. She was overjoyed! The look on her face was priceless. And it was Blake's first (and possibly last for awhile) attempt at kids choir. Personally, I just don't think he's ready for all the sitting, and focusing and paying attention :). And if you were a witness to the whole mess, then you know exactly what I mean!!
So now, it's gone well into Monday evening even though I had every intention to get this posted while at Blake's therapy this morning. I always start off with the best intentions :). There is a peaceful rain outside and I am enjoying it. It's relaxing me and helping to erase and wash away the stress from yet another Monday. Tomorrow is another day.....and I will arise tomorrow with hopes of a better day. We can only go up from here!!
Jenn
2/22/13
Autism as WE Know It
Let me make something clear....I DO NOT want Autism to take over this blog. While it is true that Autism is a huge part of this family and in turn dictates how we handle certain situations, I want this blog to be an outlet....a little peek inside this cray cray world we live in. I want it to be so much for you, the reader. A lesson, an experience, an outlet as well, and maybe even a pat on the back. A reminder that we ALL have those days :)
So with that being said, today's blog is about Autism ;)
I realize that many of you are not familiar with Autism, or Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD), so I thought I would take today to tell you what it means to us. Many different features or characteristics are shared by people with ASD, however, there are no two people with ASD who are the same or who share the same presentation. There are three specific areas of behavior which have to be present in order to make a diagnosis. I will list these areas and their specifics, and then underline the ones that apply to Blake specifically.
Impairment of Social Interaction
- Difficulty in understanding the non-verbal aspects of social interactions, such as being able to understand facial expressions, turn taking in conversation and understanding what is going on in the other person's mind.
- Difficulty in making friends and interacting with people of the same age and preferring to associate with younger or older people. (However since enrolling in school, Blake has gotten better at this.)
- Not seeking to share experiences, objects, activities or space.
- Difficulty in sharing social and emotional interactions with other people.
Impairment of Communication
- Absence or significant restriction of spoken language.
- Difficulty in engaging in conversation with other people by listening to and responding to what the other person is saying.
- Using stereotyped/repetitive/idiosyncratic language.
- Having no interest in participating in spontaneous make-believe play with other people of the same age.
Impairment of Activity and Interests
- Encompassing and restricting preoccupation with a small range of ideas or things or topics.
- Obsession with ritual, order and repetitive behaviors.
- Showing repetitive motor mannerisms such as hand flapping, singing or making particular noises.
- Preoccupation with parts of objects which interferes with understanding how the whole object works.
So far, no one has yet discovered exactly what causes ASD. There are a whole lot of theories, but none have actually been proved or gained acceptance in the medical field. ASDs do tend to run in families. In Blake's case, he has an uncle who had ADHD as an adolescent and an uncle who also suffers from ASD. Both of which are my brothers.
With neuro-typical behavior, most of us resolve conflict over time by the use of rules, social norms, values and the ability to negotiate and compromise based on an understanding of what might be going on in the other person’s mind and what might be motivating them. A person with ASD does not do negotiation or compromise. They are not able to do a lot of things that allow them to be able to get along in a group (a family, a class, a school playground, or a workplace). It's not that they do not want to be a part of the group. It is simply because they do not know how to act within the social norms of their peers. This one single attribute alone has forced Kevin and I to reevaluate every interaction with Blake and try to explain social situations to him. Its hard, and most times telling him that's just the way it is doesn't always fly.
A very big area of concern for Blake are his senses. We all take our senses for granted. Pretend that you have no control over the signals that your senses are telling you. Maybe the touch of clothing is unbearable to you and you can't switch that feeling off all day. Voices are just noises and you can't respond to people because you can't decipher between the noises and the voices. An ASDs world is STRESSFUL....everything sets their nerve endings off. What we see as beautiful and lovely, they see as a problem, or something that causes stress. A person with ASD is literally hard-wired differently then we are.
One area of our lives that we are still struggling with is the sarcasm. We are a sarcastic household. I get it from my dad, and Kevin, well it just comes natural to him :) But in an ASDs world, there is no sarcasm. They don't get it. Non-specific instructions are bad too. For instance, we cannot say 'Stay out of the street'. Instead, we need to say 'Stop your bike at the end of the driveway'. Or 'You're the apple of my eye'. Instead we should say 'I love you very much'.
And we occasionally have meltdowns to deal with. I say that because this is one area that seems to be improving more than all the others. Meltdown triggers tend to cluster in certain areas. One book describes four of these areas.
1. Sensory Overload
2. Physical/Physiological triggers:
- Food allergies or sensitivities
- Sleep disorders
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Inadequate nutrition
- Biochemical imbalances
- Unarticulated illness or injury
3. Emotional Triggers
- Frustration
- Disappointment
- Maltreatment
- Sense of fairness
4. Poor examples from adults
Blake's triggers usually fall in the Sensory overload or Emotional trigger category. Frustration is huge for him. He gets frustrated a lot for not being able to do something he sees others doing, and not realizing that he is still growing and learning how to do some things just takes time.
I have so much more that I could discuss with you on this, but this post is already longer than I had anticipated!! So please, ask questions in the comments and I will respond with the best answers that I have :) I hope that I have been able to show you a little bit about what it means to be autistic.
Jenn
So with that being said, today's blog is about Autism ;)
I realize that many of you are not familiar with Autism, or Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD), so I thought I would take today to tell you what it means to us. Many different features or characteristics are shared by people with ASD, however, there are no two people with ASD who are the same or who share the same presentation. There are three specific areas of behavior which have to be present in order to make a diagnosis. I will list these areas and their specifics, and then underline the ones that apply to Blake specifically.
Impairment of Social Interaction
- Difficulty in understanding the non-verbal aspects of social interactions, such as being able to understand facial expressions, turn taking in conversation and understanding what is going on in the other person's mind.
- Difficulty in making friends and interacting with people of the same age and preferring to associate with younger or older people. (However since enrolling in school, Blake has gotten better at this.)
- Not seeking to share experiences, objects, activities or space.
- Difficulty in sharing social and emotional interactions with other people.
Impairment of Communication
- Absence or significant restriction of spoken language.
- Difficulty in engaging in conversation with other people by listening to and responding to what the other person is saying.
- Using stereotyped/repetitive/idiosyncratic language.
- Having no interest in participating in spontaneous make-believe play with other people of the same age.
Impairment of Activity and Interests
- Encompassing and restricting preoccupation with a small range of ideas or things or topics.
- Obsession with ritual, order and repetitive behaviors.
- Showing repetitive motor mannerisms such as hand flapping, singing or making particular noises.
- Preoccupation with parts of objects which interferes with understanding how the whole object works.
So far, no one has yet discovered exactly what causes ASD. There are a whole lot of theories, but none have actually been proved or gained acceptance in the medical field. ASDs do tend to run in families. In Blake's case, he has an uncle who had ADHD as an adolescent and an uncle who also suffers from ASD. Both of which are my brothers.
With neuro-typical behavior, most of us resolve conflict over time by the use of rules, social norms, values and the ability to negotiate and compromise based on an understanding of what might be going on in the other person’s mind and what might be motivating them. A person with ASD does not do negotiation or compromise. They are not able to do a lot of things that allow them to be able to get along in a group (a family, a class, a school playground, or a workplace). It's not that they do not want to be a part of the group. It is simply because they do not know how to act within the social norms of their peers. This one single attribute alone has forced Kevin and I to reevaluate every interaction with Blake and try to explain social situations to him. Its hard, and most times telling him that's just the way it is doesn't always fly.
A very big area of concern for Blake are his senses. We all take our senses for granted. Pretend that you have no control over the signals that your senses are telling you. Maybe the touch of clothing is unbearable to you and you can't switch that feeling off all day. Voices are just noises and you can't respond to people because you can't decipher between the noises and the voices. An ASDs world is STRESSFUL....everything sets their nerve endings off. What we see as beautiful and lovely, they see as a problem, or something that causes stress. A person with ASD is literally hard-wired differently then we are.
One area of our lives that we are still struggling with is the sarcasm. We are a sarcastic household. I get it from my dad, and Kevin, well it just comes natural to him :) But in an ASDs world, there is no sarcasm. They don't get it. Non-specific instructions are bad too. For instance, we cannot say 'Stay out of the street'. Instead, we need to say 'Stop your bike at the end of the driveway'. Or 'You're the apple of my eye'. Instead we should say 'I love you very much'.
And we occasionally have meltdowns to deal with. I say that because this is one area that seems to be improving more than all the others. Meltdown triggers tend to cluster in certain areas. One book describes four of these areas.
1. Sensory Overload
2. Physical/Physiological triggers:
- Food allergies or sensitivities
- Sleep disorders
- Gastrointestinal problems
- Inadequate nutrition
- Biochemical imbalances
- Unarticulated illness or injury
3. Emotional Triggers
- Frustration
- Disappointment
- Maltreatment
- Sense of fairness
4. Poor examples from adults
Blake's triggers usually fall in the Sensory overload or Emotional trigger category. Frustration is huge for him. He gets frustrated a lot for not being able to do something he sees others doing, and not realizing that he is still growing and learning how to do some things just takes time.
I have so much more that I could discuss with you on this, but this post is already longer than I had anticipated!! So please, ask questions in the comments and I will respond with the best answers that I have :) I hope that I have been able to show you a little bit about what it means to be autistic.
Jenn
2/21/13
When it snows, it sticks!!!
Today, our kids received their first snow day of the school year....in February!! Tomorrow has already been cancelled as well. We had sneet, then snow, then freezing rain. We watched out the window periodically as the many forms of cold and wet precipitation flew by the front picture window. And on TV we watched as they showed car after car stuck in the slushy stuff on the roads.
And all of this reminded me of Blake. Of his many layers and forms and how sometimes we as a family can get stuck, literally, in one area. But then suddenly, almost as if by blunt force, those built up layers are plowed away and what is left is a happy, smiling boy. How something as beautiful as snow can cause such a mess....how something like Autism can cause such a mess. But if the right tools are used, both messes can be cleared away.
I love when God uses things like snow to show me the bigger picture. To remind me what's under all those layers. Clean pavement to drive on, or a smiling boy to cuddle with.
Today was a rough day. Daddy stayed home too and after watching the reports of the roads across the river, it's a good thing he did. It's as if the kids know that we're all stuck together in this little snow globe and can't get out. So they walk (or rather run) around all day shaking up the globe until mommy and daddy are ready to break out the hammer and start banging their way out. Tomorrow will be more of the same....sensory overload for one child, and a non-stop firing squad of questions and stories from the other.
Yes, yes I love my children and yes they truly are my blessings!! But did I mention that I woke this morning with a full blown head cold?! Snow day and head cold, not such a good mix for mommy's nerves. I think I may need to have a heart to heart with God about that one later :)
And now, as the day is ending and the sun has set, a chill has settled upon the house....like one that can only come from a blustery snow storm. Oh wait, what's that you say? The furnace isn't working? Oh.
So, 3 out of the four seasons bring us this lovely line....When it rains, it pours. But only in winter can you truly use this one....When it snows, it sticks. And makes your house extra cold. And causes your furnace to stop working. And has your children acting like wild animals.
I used to love snow........
And all of this reminded me of Blake. Of his many layers and forms and how sometimes we as a family can get stuck, literally, in one area. But then suddenly, almost as if by blunt force, those built up layers are plowed away and what is left is a happy, smiling boy. How something as beautiful as snow can cause such a mess....how something like Autism can cause such a mess. But if the right tools are used, both messes can be cleared away.
I love when God uses things like snow to show me the bigger picture. To remind me what's under all those layers. Clean pavement to drive on, or a smiling boy to cuddle with.
Today was a rough day. Daddy stayed home too and after watching the reports of the roads across the river, it's a good thing he did. It's as if the kids know that we're all stuck together in this little snow globe and can't get out. So they walk (or rather run) around all day shaking up the globe until mommy and daddy are ready to break out the hammer and start banging their way out. Tomorrow will be more of the same....sensory overload for one child, and a non-stop firing squad of questions and stories from the other.
Yes, yes I love my children and yes they truly are my blessings!! But did I mention that I woke this morning with a full blown head cold?! Snow day and head cold, not such a good mix for mommy's nerves. I think I may need to have a heart to heart with God about that one later :)
And now, as the day is ending and the sun has set, a chill has settled upon the house....like one that can only come from a blustery snow storm. Oh wait, what's that you say? The furnace isn't working? Oh.
So, 3 out of the four seasons bring us this lovely line....When it rains, it pours. But only in winter can you truly use this one....When it snows, it sticks. And makes your house extra cold. And causes your furnace to stop working. And has your children acting like wild animals.
I used to love snow........
2/20/13
Why not?
Today seemed like a good day to start something that I have been meaning to do for some time.....a blog. I had tried this once before, and I must say, like most things in my life, I procrastinated about it, and soon it became a chore and stopped being something I really wanted to do. But now, I desperately need an outlet, a venting platform and hopefully an audience who can sympathize, empathize, or sometimes just laugh with me through some really hard days.
I am Jenn, a wife and mother of two. But that doesn't really define me. I think recently I have let it define me and even let it be my excuse. I am so much more than that, and I can accomplish so much more.....if only so much wasn't required.
In the last year I have added a new title. Advocate. I am now my autistic son's advocate....well, Kevin (my husband) and I both are. We are Blake's voice when his is nothing but shrieks and screams and unintelligible mumbles. We stand in for him to see that he is treated fairly and is given the same chance as any other 4 year old boy. We like to think that we are effective. That we are helping. It gives me something to do other than worry about the future.
The future. A huge unknown in our lives right now. The next 6 months could bring a whole new slew of trials. My bag of tricks now is like a weird mix of calming videos, iPhone Apps and candy. Tags must be cut from all articles of clothing, and simply hanging up a coat on a hook can cause a meltdown. I never know when and if something will effect him. Its a daily learning process.
Take today for instance. The dreaded 4 year check up. Discussing Blake like he isn't even in the room (however, in some ways, he never really is in the room even when he is) and referring to him as developmentally delayed. It breaks my heart...into a tiny million little pieces to hear him referred to like that. But its true. And it still hurts.
And then we have the vaccinations. I hate vaccinations....like truly despise them with all that I have. I don't want my kids to have them. We have proof that Blake has toxic levels of heavy metals in his body, heavy metals that they add to vaccinations to make them last longer. I do not like wondering if I did this to my son. If letting the nurses inject him a dozen times before he was two with chemicals and heavy metals somehow caused this "developmental delay". But I can't not give them to him. Because what if he does contract polio, or a deadly strain of pneumonia and then he dies. Because I didn't give him the vaccinations. I would rather have my beautifully minded autistic boy, then to not have him at all. So I despise vaccinations for all the turmoil and guilt that they present to me. He needs 4 before Kindergarten, so today he got two. And the guilt weighs heavily on me.
There are times when I am just so overwhelmed with idiosyncrasies. Like the insisting that Daddy is home, when his car isn't in the driveway and he is nowhere in the house. The iPhone app that all he does is scream at because its so hard, yet is the only one he consistently demands to play. Or TruMoo chocolate milk being the ONLY chocolate milk (or anything else for that matter) he will drink and the only place you can find the gallons of it is at Target.
Then there are times, like now, when he comes to me with a rather large blanket and asks to snuggle. My days as a mom are a constant roller coaster of emotions. But believe it or not, its those emotions that keep me grounded to the ground
:) Jenn
I am Jenn, a wife and mother of two. But that doesn't really define me. I think recently I have let it define me and even let it be my excuse. I am so much more than that, and I can accomplish so much more.....if only so much wasn't required.
In the last year I have added a new title. Advocate. I am now my autistic son's advocate....well, Kevin (my husband) and I both are. We are Blake's voice when his is nothing but shrieks and screams and unintelligible mumbles. We stand in for him to see that he is treated fairly and is given the same chance as any other 4 year old boy. We like to think that we are effective. That we are helping. It gives me something to do other than worry about the future.
The future. A huge unknown in our lives right now. The next 6 months could bring a whole new slew of trials. My bag of tricks now is like a weird mix of calming videos, iPhone Apps and candy. Tags must be cut from all articles of clothing, and simply hanging up a coat on a hook can cause a meltdown. I never know when and if something will effect him. Its a daily learning process.
Take today for instance. The dreaded 4 year check up. Discussing Blake like he isn't even in the room (however, in some ways, he never really is in the room even when he is) and referring to him as developmentally delayed. It breaks my heart...into a tiny million little pieces to hear him referred to like that. But its true. And it still hurts.
And then we have the vaccinations. I hate vaccinations....like truly despise them with all that I have. I don't want my kids to have them. We have proof that Blake has toxic levels of heavy metals in his body, heavy metals that they add to vaccinations to make them last longer. I do not like wondering if I did this to my son. If letting the nurses inject him a dozen times before he was two with chemicals and heavy metals somehow caused this "developmental delay". But I can't not give them to him. Because what if he does contract polio, or a deadly strain of pneumonia and then he dies. Because I didn't give him the vaccinations. I would rather have my beautifully minded autistic boy, then to not have him at all. So I despise vaccinations for all the turmoil and guilt that they present to me. He needs 4 before Kindergarten, so today he got two. And the guilt weighs heavily on me.
There are times when I am just so overwhelmed with idiosyncrasies. Like the insisting that Daddy is home, when his car isn't in the driveway and he is nowhere in the house. The iPhone app that all he does is scream at because its so hard, yet is the only one he consistently demands to play. Or TruMoo chocolate milk being the ONLY chocolate milk (or anything else for that matter) he will drink and the only place you can find the gallons of it is at Target.
Then there are times, like now, when he comes to me with a rather large blanket and asks to snuggle. My days as a mom are a constant roller coaster of emotions. But believe it or not, its those emotions that keep me grounded to the ground
:) Jenn
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