I have had several of you remind me over the last few weeks that I haven't been blogging. While I am so very thankful for my loyal readers, and the fact that you enjoy my blog, I have a confession to make. I have not been blogging lately for one reason, and one reason only; If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Lately, I just haven't had anything nice to say.
First, I have to complain about the weather. I mean what is up with all these teasers?? Its almost May, and I am expecting consistent 60 degree, sunny days. Instead, I am given cold, dreary days. I can handle the drear when its warm outside, but by past struggles with depression seem to rear their ugly head about this same time every year. Winter doesn't bother me....its Spring, or at least the first month and a half of Spring.
Secondly, I have been struggling with my self-image a lot lately! Last summer, I dropped 30 lbs. I was motivated and happy, and energetic. Well over the course of the last 6 months, some of that weight has slowly creeped its way back in, even though I have still maintained a majority of the healthy lifestyle that I started last year. So it puts a real damper on one's self image, when you try to be healthier and don't succeed. Hoping that the soon to appear nicer weather (see previous paragraph) will change this funk around and will make it easier for me to give myself a little kick.
And lastly, and unfortunately the most influential thing of the "If you don't have anything nice to say" phrase is my children. The weather change seems to be affecting their behavior as well. I am finding myself dealing with more and more stubbornness and challenges of my authority, and frankly, ain't nobody got time for that. Zoey, the 7 year old, seems to have an argument for everything I say. The talking back and questioning of authority is really getting to be too much. I lose my temper with her on a daily basis. Nothing makes you feel like a great mom more then the guilt you feel after losing your temper of your kids (insert sarcasm here). Me thinks I need a permanent time out.
Blake. That one word sentence says so much. To know my son, is to truly respect him. I am so grateful for the friends in our lives who take the time to understand Blake and peel back his layers to see the true gem he can be. I need a reminder of that so often. But I fear we are losing ground. It feels as though we have taken 6 steps back. The hitting has returned. I really, really despise the hitting, and no matter how many times we stress that hitting is not how we show our anger, the message doesn't get through. When he's mad, he tends to hit. And it doesn't even need to be explosive anger either. A kid could not play the game the right way and he hits. I could tell him no, he can't do that right now, and he hits me. His therapists and teacher tell me to ignore a lot of the bad behavior because he is doing it for the response. But I cannot ignore the hitting; yet when ever I address it, it seems to make it worse. This anger issue, was one of the very first concerns we had with Blake over two years ago. Before the diagnosis, before therapies and school, the anger and hitting and throwing things were what caused us the most fear. And now, here we are back at what I feel is not too far from square one. Its been a very frustrating last few weeks, and I don't see much in the way of progress.
That is why I am not blogging. Because to be honest, I just don't have anything nice to say.
1 comment:
Sometimes just getting the negative out is good for you. It can bring your priorities into focus and give you some perpective. Then you have the added bonus if getting to look back later and see where you have been and how God has carried you through. Asfar as the temper trantrums, when you have kids that just comes with the package. I was just telling your husband that I just dealt with a particularly nasty one with my 16 year old. Its hard to know how to handle them so I just pray that God gives me the grace to deal with them in love and ask for forgiveness when I've lost my temper or patience. Sometimes, the only thing I can remind myself is what Dory says on Finding Nemo. "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." There are days when I can hardly find the strength to stay afloat. But then I have to remind myself that I am a daughter of a king and that I have been abundantly blessed. Hang in there! (And by the way, I totally get your weather and body image thing. Just not gonna go there cause I can get all boo hoo for myself) HUGS!
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